The Elephant in the Room

Jen and I recently had an evening dining with a group of couples that we like, respect, and cherish our friendships with. This is sometimes hard when you don’t share religious beliefs, political ideologies, and in some cases just a geographical environmental difference that has shaped our viewpoints. So, we were very careful not to pounce on a statement, try to correct them, and certainly not challenge them when we heard things that didn’t go along with how we see the same topics. Should we have? I suppose if I was ego driven that I couldn’t have helped myself. Maybe at times we should have, but we did feel they were so sensitive to our stance, that we needed too. They haven’t heard what we believe and it might have opened the floor for respectful conversation that there is a flipside to the way they think, but we have also made no secrets that we don’t have the same guidelines of thought on many subjects. We just have never really broken that down for any of them, so I assume there is a natural curiosity on their part to know us better as the outsiders and what influences we bring to this area. Are we ruining it for them? Much like they feel about Californians moving do.

These subjects are all over the place currently as we are less than a week until the midterm elections. Many feel the soul of this nation along with the democratic processes that we in USA have made so uniquely different to other nations. We all know the elephant in the room is that thing not being said, and I felt Jen and I were the elephants. We didn’t weigh in any of the touchy subjects other than a humorous attempt on my part to lighten the conversation. Should we have shared our opinion? Some would say we should have, in that we would have been truer to ourselves, but I challenge that. I think we remained true, we remained stoic in belief, we didn’t provide the corner for us to be put in, and ultimately the conversation was stalled giving a convenient segue into couples going home. But the beautiful thing is that it provided a rare moment where Jen and I had a conversation about our values attesting to the fact that we believe very similar and that we can acknowledge an understanding of the values of others.

Three years ago, we decided to move to Texas. The place of my birth, childhood, and time in the Air Force as an adult. I long had this sense that I would end up back in Texas. I knew it would have to be East Texas even though I did not grow up there, I was always a West Texas kid, my family goes back generations, rooted as East Texans. I remember as a kid the awareness of racial prejudice and the free use of the ” N” word by family and sadly even from myself. At sixty-one years of age I regret this, but I also was not influenced at that age by those providing me an opportunity to reflect on whether it was right or wrong. I had never contemplated this question. Of course, my influences didn’t stop with black people in the community, my racist surroundings, at times, were more racially directed at Mexicans. Me personally, I didn’t share that expansion of racism, although I have been guilty of classifying a situation racially towards a race. I raised disdain towards what I knew as white trash. By the time I was a young adult and fledgling parent, I vowed that my children would be raised without racial influence. Was my first wife and I successful? And if not then, certainly Jen and I had to have been a major influence. She is a strong minded woman of the 20th and 21st centuries. So, I would have to say yes to both. My children were the final lesson of social injustice for me. I certainly have learned as much from them as I tried to teach them. With them, came the acceptance of the LGBTQ community. I admit, my struggles of acceptance were more anti in this neighborhood, but with time and exposure, I was able to certainly be more tolerant. Do I still struggle with it, I think I do, but I’m an ever growing product. I’m not perfect, but I’m trying to be better at tolerance and acceptance. I have had many great influencers come through my life, again mostly due to my children, that have brought people into my life. I have learned the struggle is real, the challenges daunting, and mountain a tall one in a world that predominately still believes that it is a deviant choice in life instead of the reality, and my acknowledge understanding that genetic makeup is responsible. Tying our friends in to this from our dinner date, one analogy used was “that a man has a penis and a woman has a vagina, enough said”. That was when I interjected that it was no longer true as transgender and surgery was turning people into the opposite gender daily. Someone tried the Bible thing as they were all church going and God fearing folks. Of course, Jen and I have belief that the Bible was written two thousand years ago by Middle Eastern men and Israeli men, who all carried the same basic philosophy and regional understanding that women were second class citizens, people of color, were lower, etc. This has been my problem with modern day religion that has not advanced through those two thousand years of age. The belief systems is still based on this and I remind those I get into a discussion with, that they are reflections of that part of the world, who by the way still believes the two thousand year old ideology. Isn’t it strange that so-called Christians are also some of the most bigoted people? Not only bigoted, but outspoken about. These are the people that proclaim, “I’m not prejudice, but…”. It isn’t obvious to them that when they say that, it is always followed by but and a racial declaration of belief that they somehow think the bible supports them? If anyone believes the Bible is God’s word, has been duped by one of the biggest charlatan businesses out there. They demand we tithe, and then try to control by fear and the illusion that whatever they say is from God’s mouth to your ears. They don’t want you to think and question, they want you to obey and allow yourself to be guided through life. There are signs around here dotted in yards touting “God is in Control”. My simple answer is that the bible was written by men supposedly inspired by God. But, even that should raise alarms bells. Am I the only one that believes that if Jesus was to return today, that he would be more tolerant of all? We all were created in the image of God. So therefore I have to believe that God is multi-colored, homo and hetero, and represent all levels of wealth, and would continue to allow all of us to have the choice to sin and ask for forgiveness. I have had a really tough time discovering where in the Bible it is written that sexual preference, or better said, sexual orientation, abortion, racial discrimination, guns, etc. lays out any direction for us to persecute what we don’t like. After all, it is our choice, the only God-given right by the way is to decide what we do and that choice will be judged by God when we die. There isn’t a preacher in the world that should teach one breath of in-tolerance. This is my biggest hang-up with organized religion, that it makes a society of idiots hell bent on taking over God’s role and trying to judge others based on their perceived bigotries.

Coming off my soapbox, we all have prejudices. I would even bet that those that are adamant that they aren’t, I simply would challenge you to take a walk in Harlem and tell me you have no preconceived notion of what that may turn out to be for you. Food, gas or electric, this, that, and any other thing that can create a differences of opinion, these are prejudices. So, again, someone telling me they aren’t, only invokes me to believe the other shoe is about to drop. There is another problem though and it comes in the entertainment business and ad sales business. Most everyone accepts that with the exception of one certain channel, most channels of entertainment are extremely liberal. One of the things that irritates me is the overloading of racial makeup and LGTBQ scripts and in ads. I don’t want these bi-racial or LGTBQ couples eliminated, I just want it to reflect the percentages in real life. What the business tries to do is overload us with a stance and force their viewpoint down everyone’s throat. I have always respected the soft sell versus the hard sell. If if you think they are not trying to influence or sell you into belief that their stance is the only valid stance, I suppose you might be easily persuaded. I bet you have bought a car due to the pressure of the salesman instead of simply getting up and walking out of the dealership. I know my analogy might not sit well, but I think you probably understand that sell is coming on too strong about the liberal utopian world. It is the same for the conservative side with the upsell of God-given rights and the shamefulness of the radical left. Not my words, straight off the TV down here in Texas.

Rights of men, God-given or man-given. As I said earlier, God only gave us one right, the right to make a choice. How we use that choice is the fallible thing about man. The Bible may teach us the foundations of what we might get judged on if you are willing to sift through the stories to find the parable lesson being taught. I would have far less problem with someone just telling me they have a prejudice against something. That would give us much better footing than the one where someone says they have none and proceeds to allude to them anyway. If I know upfront, it doesn’t mean I’m not going to be your friend, but it does give us plenty to talk about and because we like them, we should want to understand what was the driving force behind it. Hell, I don’t want to change them either, they have to do that on their own. We should merely state what our influences have been, lay out what we believe, and let them chew on it for a while. New questions might arise and other topics might stem off of it too. In this day and age of superficial friendships, I would rather have someone that I don’t share philosophy with, but know I can count on them without any reservations. That is what friendships are. If you only make friends with those that share your ideas, beliefs, and fun, then you haven’t created a friendship, you’ve created the early makings of a cult; where everyone wears red hats or maybe even has an affinity to hooded white sheets.

I think this is what the Republicans and Democrats alike have become to me, extremist groups hell-bent on the demise of the other. And in the end, hoping for some utopian Garden of Eden in which we all sing the same song, like the same foods, are color blind, and certainly have lost all individualism. I’ll stay over here absorbing the glairing darts of contempt and stay prejudice to the fact that I believe in myself and follow my own lead instead of pledging fealty to those without morals and are incapable of original thought.