I Had an Idea

I was in the shower the other day and had a, what I thought to be brilliant, idea. We have a property that is being given to Jen and I as a result of us covering costs for funerals for Mom and Dad. It was my dad’s idea and although some might look at us and say, what do we need in that property lot? It is true on the surface, but the heart of the matter is that it allows Dad to hold his head up high and know he covered the cost for Mom and Dad. Frankly, there is nothing more I would rather see than this man be proud of himself. If he achieves that, then he also will understand why we all put him on a pedestal as the shining example of how a father should be. I strive to be like him. I have my own quirks and ways about me, but in my mind, I always run through the question of what would my dad think? I’ve been doing this as far back as I have conscious thought.

I watched my mom and dad surprise me at so many corners in life. When I was eighteen and really struggling with what I wanted to do for a living. Eighteen and already engaged and thinking about children before I was grown myself. I thought I had to go to college for an education as I fell just short of being an athlete in college and having my dream of being a professional athlete come to an end. Instead, I had to think beyond underwater basket weaving as a major and actually choose something that would put me in a position to support a family. My first real experience with my anxiety and my first test at keeping it in check and beating it instead of it ruling me into failure. I enrolled at Colorado Mountain College in Glenwood Springs to study the field of photography. It was a passion in high school and I thought I would obviously become the next Ansel Adams. But as I graduated from high school and found myself working in a sawmill tailing a planer and stacking bunks of lumber, I realized this might be my real life, a real job to support my photography habit along with a wife and who knows what else. Anxiety became panic and I choked, I contacted a recruiter to come to the house and start the process of going into the military. It worked for dad, why not me? After getting off the call, I worried how I was going to tell my wife to be and my parents. She was actually easy and said the old response that she would follow me wherever my career would take me. In the end, that was a promise easily broken but is for another time and another story. On to my parents, butterflies a brewing, I told them of the decision I had made. The relief that came over their face was astonishing. What I learned was, they didn’t agree with my choice about college, or better said the field I had chosen, but in that lesson, I realized that parents support their kids dreams and ride along with them good or bad. Their relief came in knowing the life I was about to embark on and that it would open doors to security for a family of any size.

Over the years, many such instances occurred and even at one point, I found a little way to repay my parents support by acknowledging through an award for my dad that won and dad received the Public Relations award for the Airways Facilities Organization of the FAA. I saw something interesting in my dad though, he was not happy to receive the award. He was happy to hear the writeup of his influence on me and a couple of others in his life along the way in the FAA, my mother on the other hand was very happy at the acknowledgement. My dad didn’t need the FAA to recognize him, he knew the work he had done and was satisfied with his life and career. I learned humility through this and added another point for me to work towards. My work isn’t about what fulfills others but it is about how it fulfills me. That work was more than my career in the aviation industry, it was more how I feel about how I felt about myself as a father and husband. Humility in the process of accomplishment is somewhat a challenge. We constantly are measured by some standard, especially in work. Even if you work for yourself, the standard may be as simple as putting food on the table consistently, but it is an important standard. However, reflection on one’s accomplishments is and most importantly comes from within. Ironically, as a manager I had to make sure I did make good on how I felt the employees met the needs of the agency, so I cheated. I always had each of the employees write their own summary of their year and then I would tweak it and we would talk about it, always finding one thing they felt important about making better. If I agreed, then they were ensuring they would meet their own standard and not mine.

Later in life, I wondered how my parents would react to one of their grandchildren announcing that she was gay. I had grown up hearing comments of not knowing how one becomes gay or how could that be a choice for someone, but again the one surprised, in the end, was me. My parents handled it like any parent should. I don’t necessarily understand it, but we love you and know this is who you are and we will always be behind you. They welcomed partners she dated and she always knew it was a safe zone for her to be in their home without judgement. Another lesson learned which helped me later in meeting some truly wonderful people that came into my life either through Erica’s dance, my work, Brittney and her partners, or even a waiter in a restaurant in Abilene, TX being harassed by some redneck dipshits. I learned to accept people, and simply made my life much easier in the process. You see carrying hatred or opinion of others is a burden. One we have no need to deal with.  I’m glad I am free of that guilt.

In the end, and I’m circling back to the original point as quick as I can, I find myself thinking of those in my life past and present. My thought in the shower was about the property mentioned and what if we turned it into a privately held park for the neighborhood, but also allowing for memorials to be present. My thought was a simple one, people could purchase a stepping stone that we could use to line a couple pathways through the park. As people paid, we would inscribe their memorial on the stone step. For us, we have a cement picnic table that we could move to it and memorialize the benches and top for our own family members. Don’t know if it will happen or if we will sell the property in the end, but this whole process has reinvigorated remembering family members and talking to my dad about many of them. At least, I will know more about them and as we talk about them, maybe that draws them to us for a brief moment where we can feel the warmth of them in our thoughts.