Being a Dad Ain’t Easy

I’m pondering my kids lives and feel I’m sitting by as it all unfolds and am finding it difficult how they handle things, without me that is. Imagine that! As their Dad, I want to jump in and offer advice, provide the magic word that gives them confidence, pass along my sage wisdom of things in life discovered by standing on my own two feet and surviving all that has come my way. And what do they want? For me to get out of the way, keep my opinions to myself, and let them live their own lives. In fact, it seems the roles have reversed at times and they are giving me advice. Ha, what do they know?

Recently, I had an text message exchange with Cortney (youngest daughter) for about thirty minutes with it real evident that she was unhappy with something in her life, chiefly her job. I don’t know whether it goes deeper than that, but I sensed there was more to the story as she did just have a baby. While I’m sending texts and receiving hers, I’m sharing with Jeni and we are coming to the same conclusions. We’re reminiscing of the rocky times and how we came out stronger having gone through whatever it was. We learned something along the way and came to realize that the hard times would pass and we’d be okay. But, who would ever wish hard times on anyone to merely find out things can or will be better? So, I did the right thing and told her she would figure things out and that whatever she chose would be the right thing. I did also say that she needed to make sure she was taking care of herself first and foremost. There was so much more I wanted to say, but held back as it wasn’t my place.

I have frequent talks with JD (oldest son), and probably as a result am freer to suggest a thought here or there, but I also know JD is more likely to just listen and either accept or deny things I say, sometimes ignoring and sometimes telling me outright he will take care of it. I’m good with that as I know it comes from a bond of friendship and not just a dad and son thing. For any of my other kids, and maybe as a result of them hearing my comments and suggestions while they were growing up, they just don’t want to feel they are in that role again. I think they have become skilled at changing the subject before I can speak. I get it, I certainly resisted my own folks doing that to me. I always had more of an issue when mom wanted to know more about what was going on and wanted to offer opinion in some way that would make her feel good, not necessarily me. The unsolicited advice!! Maybe that is how my own kids feel. Maybe they are all confident enough in themselves that they don’t need my life lessons or maybe learned it from me in how to avoid situations. I know it’s hard to ask certain questions as it would open the door for me to get on my soapbox and spill all I know in rapid-fire, not giving enough time to absorb what I’m saying. I know how I am and certainly understand how I can be. I suppose I should verify they want to hear what I have to say before unleashing the fountain of personal information and wealth I’m about to provide. You know, when they ask for my opinion, and I say, “OK, remember you asked” kind of thing. Sometimes I think they are really wanting a sounding board to rationalize a thought and not really looking for me to solve anything. Maybe ask a few right questions and be satisfied that maybe I helped anyway. Dreams, thoughts and desires rationalized right before my eyes without ever really lifting a finger. In other times, when they really struggle with something, that’s when I want to be the super hero and step in and save the day.

Now, I’m like a side-note sitting on the edge of their lives, forming opinions of how I could help them over humps and through roadblocks, but saying it from under my breath. It’s probably better to sit here and share my thoughts in script, satisfying my need to say something and bite my tongue as I continue to watch my kids lives unfold. It ain’t easy, being a Dad, wanting to still be the Dad, when your kids are all Dad’s and Mom’s themselves. I miss that!!