Guides to Life
Throughout life, I have had a love/hate relationship with inspirational and motivational posters, statements, and guides. I felt strong enough about it that I wrote my own rules to live by and included it in my book. In fact, I dedicated a whole chapter to it with lots of background to why and in some cases, I even wrote about others I tried to live my life mimicking how they lived their lives. I never tried to live like someone else completely, I would pick aspects of their character that I admired and incorporate that into who I am. In turn, I tried to work on things about myself I didn’t like. I have been successful, but I failed in areas that still hang with me. When I worked, I do not think I had the time to always analyze and then come up with an action plan to correct my deficiencies. One stark thing that has surfaced for me is anxiety in retirement. It was something that got pushed aside for a certain amount of bravado that had to prevail in me. I had to portray myself as someone strong and consistent. I never capitulated and was always sure how to move forward. There were times that I knew I stepped on someone’s toes or override a decision that was actually a good one. Most of this in my early rise to a position of leadership. Later in my career, I was able to slow down and work to help others rise to a position of authority in themselves. This could be simply telling someone to not CC on your emails because I trusted them and it was their program to run. Only let me know when I ask, or if they were having trouble moving forward. Then I would make calls and open pathways for them, ultimately getting back out of the way. I was actually able to change aspects of my personal life too and feel I have been a much better parent for my adult children than when they were younger living in my house.
But more than anything else, I allowed myself to learn from my children, as well as others, and reversed roles at times. Sometimes through being embarrassed into thinking about how I thought about people or things in society. I have become a better person for it. In fact, I have had many conversations with my dad that I think I have even been able to impart change to him and how he sees the world and people in it. He is the most influential person in my life, realizing that my dad is just a man trying to make it through life, has humbled me more. I once mentioned to my dad that I thought I was the biggest con man in my career because I always felt I was rewarded for things I didn’t feel I knew anything about. I did get into positions and would make them mine, I always worked to be a go-to person, but I always knew I wasn’t the smartest person technically, but I had the ability to see things from a thousand feet and then was able to orchestrate how things would fit together best. The thing is, he said he felt the same way about himself. This the man, and the only man in government history that was the poster child and magazine advertisement for Airway Facilities. He was a hero to many who felt they were always working in the wings. We were all validated as important for what we did as a career by his accepting to do this and believe me, he hated doing it and was so out of character, yet he did it.
At this point in my life, anxiety has risen to a higher level. I am not sure why, but I think it is because I have too much time to think about things. It isn’t obvious to me either and now I have developed a tell. My hands start peeling and usually does not clear up until I get right with what it was that triggered me to begin with. What is it? It’s my weakness and it’s the same as many others, money. We have re-aligned investments and now much of our wealth is in real estate and not in a bank statement that I could look at daily and feel secure we had plenty. Once I sit and look at my program that tracks everything and I look at the bottom-line net worth, I realize we are exactly in the same place as when we retired. I start feeling relieved and my hands begin clearing up. Working hands cream and other things do not help, it is mental, and I just have to get right with myself. The problem is, this happens about three times a year and that is why I have asked Jen to take a year off on any remodel in 2025 and give us time to build back some bank statement wealth.
That is a long segway into what is below, but it is why I wished I had some of these jewels at seventeen, thirty, certainly forty, and then in these later years they would have been just part of my life and not something I had to think about and instead would have been just who I was. I sent these out to my kids yesterday in a text. Not trying to get them to learn a lesson, but more a tool they could use to shape the young minds of their own kids. We can all learn something new at any age, but as we get older, we are less likely to change. We can always work on ourselves to be better citizens and be kinder to ourselves and others. That is my hope.
I was simply scrolling through Instagram and came across “VigilantMiinds”. I would not suggest listening to all of their posts as it becomes conflicting trying to digest every post. But instead, I found a couple posts that I was able to meld together to what seemed important to me. This is what follows. Most of these are self-evident, but some are more insightful and require thought. I’ll break down my interpretation and may not be how you’d feel, but that’s okay, we should all break things down based on our own environmental inputs through life. That is what makes us all individual and different and why we all can’t simply be put in a box and be clones.
- Life is 100% better when no one knows anything about you.
- You should not take advice from people who are not where you want to be in life.
- Everyone will show you who they are, just give them time.
- Be smart enough to create your own opportunities. Do not wait for them to come to you.
- The secret to happiness is freedom. The secret to freedom is courage. In life, you must act if you want to experience freedom.
- You will always have problems. You will always have some sort of conflict going on in your life. You must learn to enjoy life while still solving them. There is beauty in everything we experience, you just need to adjust your perception. You can either cry in the storm or dance in the rain.
- You are truly at peace with yourself when you mind your own business.
- No one cares. Work harder to become better each day.
- If you do not work to build your dream life, someone will hire you to build theirs.
- Work in silence, celebrate in private. People love to ruin things.
Life is 100% better when no one knows anything about you. I do not think this means to go through life incognito, but more means to be less boastful and less self-centered. How many people do you know that constantly while in a conversation, insert some aspect of their life and in the end highjack a conversation and will not shut up about what they have done, are doing, and what they’ll be doing. I instantly go to #8, no one cares. We should be in a conversation to learn more about each other. Ask questions without telling them how you think or what you have done without being asked. An approach to learn more about the person, if for no other reason to show you are interested in them a note it to yourself. I always feel that when people are constantly telling you about themselves, it is because they have low self-esteem and somehow try to elevate themselves to others because what someone else thinks is more important to them than how they think about themselves. Unless asked, do not share about your life. Observation of you will be enough to know you. Know yourself better and know that that is enough. I have a bad habit responding to people who tell me what they think without being asked. I always respond the same way, “Thank you for your unsolicited opinion”.
How often have you learned more about someone in time and the real side of them comes out when they are more comfortable being around you? The façade will drop and you will be able to see them for how they really are. This happens in many relationships between people living together or having been married. We all put on a show when we are dating and as life together grows, we become more comfortable in showing who we are. This is ok, and laughingly may be the reason there is such a high divorce rate, but I think as we learn about others, we should also look to how our relationship might be changing them. Are your influences being impactful and are you growing in the relationship too? What is not healthy is as we learn about someone, trying to justify them to others. If someone is an asshole and you have been trapped by them, do not try to compensate for them. This is what is happening in politics, and it is why many of us are so uncomfortable with the current state of our national figures.
Problems are normal and consistently will be in our lives. How you deal with them is also how you will be shaped going forward. Developing a method to manage adversity will be your shield. Do not ignore the impact they have, instead turn them into opportunity. Growth or accomplishment will give you strength in believing in yourself to the point of realizing you can handle most with the same approach, breaking things down to a simplicity that allows you to understand the control it has over you or how you can gain control in turn.
Minding your own business is hard for a lot of people. But if you can, your simplicity through life will be better. Jen and I have talked a lot about people we know and how they interject themselves into someone else’s life and many times it is unwarranted and certainly unwelcome. Is it an elevation of their worth? Why do some think they have to appear to be solvers of others problems? People should approach others, if asked, by giving tools to solve their problems. Telling someone how you would approach something, is crazy to think it would help. I have often thought that if you mind your own business, your hands will be filled, and you will have little time to think about others.
Work in silence and celebrate in private. People like to ruin things. How many times have you told someone how you managed a situation only to have them ask questions or comment in a way that makes you regret sharing in the first place? If you genuinely want to feel good about yourself, keep it to yourself and prevent setting yourself up for doubt. Doubt is a killer to self-worth. I cannot give you self-worth, you own it and the rise and fall of yourself can only come from within.
Can I use these to help myself at my age? Of course I can. On the Vigilantmiinds Instagram site, they said everyone should know these by the age of 25, but most will not understand #6 until the age of 40. Almost making it seem that if it takes you that long to understand things, then you will be at a loss for personal growth and will certainly not reach your full potential. I do not believe this and feel if you are not working on yourself every day of your life then you have an ego bigger than it should be or you have given up on yourself. I hope I am a better person at the age of 63 than when I was at 20, but I also hope I am even better at 70 or 80. I hope to never think I know everything and hope that I am always inquisitive about all and know it is always okay to question anything and everything. Never be so complacent and lazy that you stop thinking for yourself listening to how others tell you how to think. Be kind and remember the old adage of treating others the way you want to be treated. I am no expert, instead I am just another person trying to get to the finish line and celebrate myself along the way.