Changing World

The world has changed and I’m not sure I like everything about it. There are certainly material things that have made life better and simpler. Conveniences that we all wonder how we did without, but I often try to decide whether I’m better off or not. I remember we used to set up times to talk on the phone. We didn’t wonder if someone liked something we posted or dreaded when something wasn’t flattering. I’m pretty sure I was better off not knowing whether or not someone was commenting about me, acknowledging me, or liking a post. A time when we only knew these things because we got wind of it through the grapevine. However, instead of getting paper cuts looking up something in an outdated encyclopedia, I can now access the latest facts about anything, instantly. It has made perversion too accessible, tracking of each other annoyingly invasive, and anxiety about feelings to pervasive. But it isn’t just the internet or mobile devices, it is other things that have made construction simpler and faster with straighter walls and the finish product available months before the old days. Although I know political bias of cavernous divide has happened numerous times in our past, the current divide is in your face constantly and immediately. However, this country saw the biggest divide some 150 years ago when the civil war broke out. Ironically, like now, the divide is being driven by white people losing some strong hold on other groups in this country. Many feel we are headed to the same place in history, and many feel we will once again draws arms on each other. God forbid this and I hope cooler heads prevail. Some recent actions in Congress give me hope.

I remember times when I was unencumbered with responsibilities. I had but a few things; girlfriend, school, parents, sister, and my joy. I worked in the summer to have enough money for the rest of the year. I fished when I wanted (most of the time), I rode my bike when I wanted and where I wanted. If I headed out of town for a thirty-mile ride, all I had to do was let my parents know which road I was headed down. Some of these times were with rod and tackle in hand strapped on my bike, headed to a bend in the Colorado River somewhere near Kremmling. As I got older, it was a car at first and then a truck. That’s when things really opened up. I had no thoughts of who was in the office of president, what the economy looked like, or what important things were going on in the state. I was certainly aware of statements like Governor Lamm who openly said that the elderly should be required to die early because they were jeopardizing his ability to get re-elected. Something that would seem normal coming from Trump. I remember playing cowboys and Indians at sixteen. I wanted to stay a kid, I wasn’t looking forward to being an adult. It scared me to think about grown up things and having to be responsible. In fact, I wasn’t even sure what that really meant and I was ok in not knowing. However, I think my mom was wanting it as she insisted I take Bachelor Survival, kind of a home economics education for guys. I learned to sew, do laundry, cook, set a table, and my final project was making a warm vest which I wore for a couple years before it started falling apart. I turned eighteen and my world changed. I was engaged shortly after graduation and was fearful of how that was going to work and try to go to college at the same time. So, I chose military service with the idea I would get an education along the way. Things were becoming serious, I hated it.

I spent seven and half years in the military. During this time, I completed enough college training to get a degree, but didn’t. I had a wife, two kids, a dog, a cat, and a faint memory of childhood. I had lost my innocence and had become serious. Not serious just about certain things, more serious as a person. I wanted to be seen as an adult, a parent, and a husband. Life wasn’t fun anymore. I had bills, people that relied on me at home and at work, a marriage with the first signs of failure. I felt trapped in a life that I feared and was made at my own hand. The first time in eight years, as I left the military, I had an opportunity to change. I was energized to reshape my life. I was dependent again on my parents as we moved in with them while I searched for a job. I knew what I wanted, but after eight months, I was beginning to think I would have to go to college and get a degree to be taken seriously. I was asked questions in interviews I couldn’t answer, and I believed there was no way I was ever going to get a job in electronics and then all of a sudden, I was teaching electronics and avionics. Maybe I wasn’t as dumb as I was beginning to think I had become. I thought I was a fake, a con man, and I was going to be exposed at any minute. I was twenty-five, two kids, a wife, no identifiable education, and I wanted to be a professional. What the hell was I doing and why was it so hard for me to do things that were institutionally accepted to be normal? One thing I was sure of was that I had to do life my way, right or wrong, if I wasn’t in control then I wasn’t going to be happy. Thank God, it is better knowing people and being the son of someone that was so revered that it prompted the notion of giving me a chance whether I was proven or not. A hope that the apple didn’t fall far from the tree. Along the way, I had begun to understand politics and economics. I voted for who potentially was going to give a big raise and bolster my economic outlook. I didn’t care about economic viability for the country, I was still only looking out for my best interest. The making of a centrist is how I see it now.

As I’ve grown older, the economy and the politics of the America has taken a more prominent role in my day-to-day living. Even from an international viewpoint, the world has become smaller and more impactful in my thought processes. I have lived through six conflicts, police actions, and wars in my sixty-three years on this earth. I have certainly seen the bad side of mankind, but most was on foreign soil, that is until the last eight years. We’ve become obsessed with a tyrannical reality game show host, both sides almost even between loving and hating the man. Most would love for this guy to just go away, but he is motivated by greed and ego and positive and negative television has kept him relevant and in mainstream focus for us all. He has been in three court proceedings during his active campaign for president and the current one is criminal. You would think, and with any other person it would be a political future killer, but not Trump, his following just seems to solidify. I am not sure I understand how morally principled people could back an immoral person, but they do and with great pride touting they can’t bring themselves to vote for Biden and have him ruin this country. Even as we have the strongest economy in the world, but because eggs and gas prices are up, he is ruining this country. Pretty idiotic, about as bad as people pulling money out of their 401k that’s making 26% over the last year to avoid paying 6% on a car loan. I know, it makes no sense at all, but people are driven by the interest rates, even though they are lower than they have been most of my adult life. I know, I know they are higher than the last six or seven years, but the last six or seven years is exactly why we ended up in inflation and frankly, any economists will tell you any interest rate below 4% is bad for the economy. Good for the consumer in the short term, but none-the-less, bad for the economy. Along the same line, are the people that tell you they made more money in their 401k during the Trump years. They don’t want to believe that the markets have done better with every president other than Trump, because Fox News told them it was so. I have actually proven this to my cousin, but still the belief is there, and they don’t want to admit that they made economic decisions for themselves based on who was president. Such a bad move. They probably think Warren Buffet to be bad too because he has invested in things other than Truth Social. Again, idiots are everywhere. Oh, and the republicans that love their gas guzzlers so much that they take every opportunity to show battery graveyards, cars being charged off gas generators, etc. Afraid of change? I guess I’m not alone, but at least I keep an open mind about things and generally judge things for myself and not leave the judgement to the Sean Hannity’s and Tucker Carlson’s of the world. Repetitious in their comments based on presidential affiliation. They just dust off old commentary and bring it back with each changing president. They can’t even use original material, why? Because it is easier and it’s what their base wants to hear.

Managing change is hard, it’s fearful, and is overwhelmingly constant. We deal with it until we decide not to. There comes a point for us all when we decide I’m done with the changing world and I’m going to settle into my most comfortable lifestyle I’ve uncovered over the years. I will make relevant those things that are comfortable and knowing to me. I no longer want to fight the good fight and champion people I never can fully support or believe in. I’m grounded in my opinion and philosophy. I’m more and more judgmental and less and less compassionate. I want what I want and believe what I believe without apology. Much of my life I’ve lived on the fact that most people have nothing to offer unless I ask. I have forever commented to people that have provided their opinion without being asked, “Thank you for your unsolicited opinion”, usually turning away and leaving as I say it. Often, they are left with a dumbfounded look on their face. The most recent was when I pulled into Discount Tire to have my tires rotated and the very obvious disgruntled man in a broken-down truck and balding tires asks me what I’m having done. I exclaim “rotate and balance”, to which he replies, “good luck as that was going to cost him $400 dollars”. I said I’ve never paid anything for it, but thanks for your unsolicited opinion. He said something else, but being irritated now, I said, “it appears you haven’t made too many fucking solid decisions in your life” and walk away. I didn’t ask for his advice and frankly why would he ever think he would have something to offer other than telling me how not to make the same decisions he has made. I will certainly give you my opinion, but you have to ask first and then I will remind you that you asked. Of course, I mumble many opinions through this outlet of blogging. I know you didn’t ask for my opinion, but I also didn’t ask you to read it. I certainly warned you on the about page what to expect, so I feel you are here at your own risk and not at my peril, but maybe yours.

I would like to see some huge changes for this country and for it to find civility, humility and grace again. Do those leaders exist? I’m reading a book titled, “We are the Leaders We are Looking For” by Eddie Glaude Jr. It is interesting his take on this and his thoughts come from a different viewpoint as he sees the world by color and how it has affected him. I still am able to draw parallels, and we are of the same generation, so often we are seeing things the same due to age. We are both looking for a change that would provide peace and comfort to our souls. He is a professor and much more in tune to the younger generation, so I like reading his perspective on that as it helps bridge the gap for me. I welcome a change as the current status quo has no place in it for me other than as a moderate trying to find a way to have a less polarizing society to live in. Too many people are caught up in the “it’s my highway” ideology. I want simple, I want chaos removed, and I want to get back to the things that make me happy, happy for me and not some fake I’m happy if you’re happy BS. I try to not stand in anyone’s way, I want us all to be happy in our pursuits of life, but don’t try making yours more important than mine, keep it to yourself. Now that would be a refreshing change!