Blog Post #100, My First Milestone
Three years ago, this month, I decided to create a blog site as a mental health experiment and an opportunity to release the annoyance of thoughts floating around in my head without the ability to fixate on any one particular item. Things that didn’t deserve the time in occupying mind space and they needed a removal mechanism so that I could get on with more important things like remodeling something. I don’t like being stuck and doorways closed not allowing me to move ahead. Writing somehow provides the key to locked doors and an answer to ponderings. One of those trapped events was the death of my mom a year prior. A struggle the last months of life for her and those around her. After a year of my thoughts bouncing around and trying to find the words to sit down and write out what it was that was gnawing at me about her memory. I finally understood that if I sat and wrote out my feelings that I could be free of the event. I wasn’t sure what was bothering me about losing her, because it was something more inwardly personal, something more than just losing my mom. After a while at the computer, it dawned on me that I hadn’t grieved or wasn’t allowing myself to grieve the way I seemingly must have needed. The cathartic process opened my mind to what it was. I sat on that post for a while before publishing wondering if I really wanted to share the emotion that came out. After a few other posts being published, I decided to make it available for others to read. I received good feedback from the small audience of readers, and it was like getting a like on a social media site, my reaction kicked in from the dopamine release knowing someone was listening. It made me feel good.
Three years later and I’m still writing. Probably not as often as I wanted, but certainly as often as I needed. I found for myself an outlet, creative or not, that I could practice something and hopefully it has been recognized that I have been advancing in my literary skills. At the time I started the blog, I had just finished writing a biography of myself as a legacy for my children, and their children, and so on. One of the things in life is wondering whether we were relevant or relevant enough that you endure time. With our eventual loss, would I create a void and in time would I mean enough for stories to be passed down. Often this information is only from the perspective of the person telling it, but how well do they know me, and would I only be remembered for something I did or for my outlook on life? I started writing my book, my legacy if you will, that would talk about myself from the chief character, me. This pennies worth of a portrait of myself took three years to write or so I thought. I believe I’m on my twentieth edit of it or somewhere near that and now into my sixth year. Why keep editing? I guess it is that as I write, I get better, and I feel I can make it better by editing the story. I’m currently on revision twenty-one with several additional chapters added and a slightly different twist to the ending. What I mean is that I will have a final chapter that is identifiable as that, but it will never be finished at least from my pen. The real beauty of it will be with my kids or Jen taking it and writing their perspective end of my book. There will be five or six alternate endings based off a single life (mine), detailing what my life meant to them, how I had enriched their life, in their words, and what my legacy could provide for the generations of this family to come. I’m the author but it will have five or six co-authors based on whether Jen preceded me or not.
I’m currently thinking about releasing a chapter at a time as a blog post and after a year, my part of the book would be complete. I don’t know, just something I’m kicking the tires on. My other thought is to have it completed, bound, and given to each of my kids at Christmas in another two years. I would have a few notes pages in the back for them to write their additional chapter. There would be five versions out there with different endings. Interesting concept, but I think I’ll have to spend a little more time contemplating the matter. One thing is for sure, I enjoyed exploring my memories and reliving those moments that I thought were buried long ago. If for no other reason to write it in the end, it’s fun and gives me something creative for my aging mind. They say that one of the things that causes dementia is that you just start shutting things down in that creative portion of the brain. When not used, cellular crystallization occurs, and pieces break off from drying up and being brittle. It is thought that if you stimulate via game challenges like Sudoku, crosswords, and the like, or by the process of doing so, it keeps that crystallization from happening. It is plausible and with some merit in the studies performed. Even if it is just a bunch of gobble-di-gook, it still gives me purpose and as long as you have purpose, you will keep examining things and your curiosity will keep you exploring life.
Active hobbies, exploration, reading, trying new things are all things that can make retirement great. Sitting around worrying about this or that can painstakingly put one foot in the grave faster and bring on dementia quicker. I have seen this over and over again in elderly and am witnessing it again with my own dad. No signs of dementia, but that worrying about what others are doing, feeling compelled to give advice against doing things instead of encouraging, and finding it more convenient to stay home than spend time visiting, travelling, and anything else other than sitting all day. He still has a purpose caring for his dog, he exercises, reads like no one I know. But what will rule eventually is the scare of what might happen and being afraid of falling or injuring himself. I hope to avoid this for myself, and Jen too, and that is why we live like we do. Even when we feel there is nothing to do, we knows that’s not true, and we turn to simple tasks that give us pleasure. We do a lot of things that are for ourselves only, but we encourage each other to do them.
I’ve written about politics more than I wanted too, but with the last eight years of polarizing parties, the petty nature of the orange ruler of the republican party and the obsession the independents and democrats have towards him, and it all makes for good tv ratings and a horrible unstableness to the country. I’ve become routine in a morning ritual of getting up at 5:30 A.M. to eat, play my daily expert level sudoku, while watching Morning Joe to get my daily beatdown of the Trumpian House of Reps and an update on the Orange Jesus’ legal woes. Then I go to my dad’s for coffee and discussion about the days newest updates, sports, old FAA days and people we know. I’m certainly no political genius or strategist of needs for this country. I’m also not a fan of Joe Biden, but when someone does something well, I’m ok with recognizing them for it. He has brought us back to a good place since Trumps first round as president. The saddest day for this country would be Trump winning in 2024. The thing I suspect as others have indicated is that if Trump loses, if we thought January 6th was bad, I think what will occur will make it look like a frat party. This country is headed for lousy times. I hope it is short lived and Trump goes to jail. The interesting thing will be to see what the liberal media will have to talk about daily.
I’ve written 103 posts but have actually only made public 99. The other four that I kept private were generally rants I had about personal things. A couple were children’s books that I have been working on. I posted them under my pen name Jacob Wilson. I set them private after making them public long enough for a few of my readers to see and give some critique on them. I thought for a while about publishing the others, but it was kind of like writing after a divorce and burning it never to read it again. The feeling is gone and serves no point in doing so. But it also brings to mind the idea of blogs. Should they be controversial? Should they attempt to upset someone, or should they just be to entertain as a good read? Maybe in time I’ll figure out a theme and home in on a subject matter to write more consistently about. I love remodeling our home. Creating a perfect house of our vision. I in no way am a master carpenter, electrician, plasterer, floor installer, cabinet setter, plumber, etc. But I can do all of it with some better than average level of finish. I could write about my experiences and what I’ve learned, probably more from a humorous point of view or maybe about furniture refinishing as a hobby. What about outdoorsmen things? I love the outdoors and all it provides with the sports of fishing, hunting, hiking, camping, and general fun to be had outside. But with actual professionals in the family, it seems silly. I don’t consider myself a city boy, but it would come off as that. I’m reminded of one of my favorite all time writers, Patrick McManus, and his misadventures of fishing and hunting. I could have some real fun with that as I’ve always been pretty good at making fun of myself. I could even turn my children’s book idea into stories about me as they generally are written about the outdoors with a lesson learned. I think I’ll have to give this some serious thought now that my remodeling days are over due to my back surgeries. I’ve been looking to get back into outdoor activities, I could write it all off to research. I bet I dream about this tonight.
So many things I haven’t written about. Important things like why a man needs a truck, a pocketknife, a fishing license, and a good firearm. I’d have to stay away from the politics of conservation and weapons meant as military weaponry. Stick to the humor of my life and probably all will be good. Post # 100. A big milestone for something that more or less started as an experiment. I’m public on the internet and have put my link on Facebook and Instagram. Although I know I have readers outside of the fascinating number or subscribers that total eight. Three years ago, I didn’t expect anyone but my wife to read my writings. She won’t read any I publish with a politics subject matter. I know my sister gets a cup of coffee on Sunday mornings and reads some of my latest posts. I rarely hear commentary from her, but I know she reads them. I’ve gotten comments from people in Israel and Germany. I’ve been asked about the platforms I use, and I have even been propositioned by someone more than once. Thank goodness I can direct stuff to trash and spam. I’ve been hacked twice by people I guess looking for a free platform to write their own stuff without the expense of owning the website. I learned about website construction and security than I ever thought possible, but lately seem to have most of the bad actors suppressed. This month I pay for another three years, so I guess I’m committed now to continue and stop calling it an experiment, and instead call it my blog website only. Bluehost, the hosting outfit has been offering methods to get me more exposure, but I’m struggling with expanding my subscribership. Right now, it still serves the purpose of freeing my mind to continue on with my day. If it grows, then it starts feeling like something more like a job. I surely don’t want payment for this and don’t want to sell hats and t-shirts with my dangling feet and just breathe written across it. I did create business cards which I really like, and maybe I’ll look at a hat and t-shirt as a gift for subscribers. After dealing with Jen’s online sales business, I have no intentions of dealing with the State of Texas and filing quarterly submissions on money earned. Like Jen, it would this pretty quick. So free it will remain, and I will merely write about crap of the world in the morning and solve it by 8:30 A.M. with dad. I thank you, my readers three or four regular readers, and thanks to those that my analytics tell me are out there reading without comment and subscribership. Cheers to 100 more. Hopefully, it won’t be another three years to achieve it.