Diary of a Surgery: Eve

Eve of My Change:

On the eve of my surgery, I’m nervous and looking for things to do today to keep my mind off of it. Yesterday, we went for our monthly massages and my last one for a few months. I’m not sure it was a good idea as it was, quite simply, the most painful massage I have ever had, and she was being very gentle on me. This lack of arthritis medication really created a situation boiling down to the fact that I hurt in so many places that any back pain I was experiencing is forgotten. Any dexterity needed is like watching someone trying to figure things out for the first time. And my torn and damaged shoulder feels like everything has torn completely and has become useless in the process. I’m hoping that once I can take the anti-inflammatory drugs again, that it will all settle down and I can concentrate on the real pain in my back. I’m sure my back will take precedence once the surgery is complete and I’m dealing with the recovery.

My nervousness is manifesting into comedy that is not very funny. When people have been saying that they will be thinking of me or good luck with the surgery, my response has been “I’m just looking forward to be breathing on the other side!”. I know, a little morbid, but it is just nervous response syndrome, and I don’t really mean to sound like that. Of course, like anyone, I want things to go smoothly and for it to be successful. I’m looking forward to getting back to a normal life of projects even though that may look more hobby like than remodeling. I hope for us to start trailering around the country a little more and doing what we set out to do on this journey of retirement. There are so many more National Parks that we want to explore, and it is time we started exploring! Anyway, I have all expectations for a good outcome and a pain free lower back. I also look forward to the shoulder surgery down the road and even thumb joint replacement. It turns out that thumb joint replacement is the most common of joints replaced. If so, it seems odd that I have never met anyone that has had it done. But I’ve met many with new knees and hips. Don’t believe me, just pay attention to how many folks are insisting on the scanner instead of the metal detector at TSA and all are pointing to their joint of choice. Anyone asking for the scanner is sure to be carrying some new titanium part in their body, they used to give you a card signed by the doctor to present as you went through security, but so many people have had joint transplants that it is common place and pointless to issue them. Everything will be fine, I’m certainly counting on it. So, if I say something stupid or morbid in response, it is just my nerves and should be overlooked.

I understand Jen being nervous too, I was in November when she had her surgery. I think it natural and normal to worry about others and fear being on our own, once again. We count on each other and although we do a lot of independent activities throughout a normal day, we still are in each other’s orbit daily. Jen tends to jump to the worst scenario and I’m sure there is a little of that going on. I always laugh to myself when she worries about me and comes across that somehow, I am unhealthier than she is. I think our blood work and her life altering allergic differences should play into this overall feel. I certainly am paying for too many years of smoking with breathing issues that are treated like asthma but am pretty sure are smoking related. Maybe when they finally tell me I don’t need to get CT scans of my lungs, then maybe she’ll ease her worries. I, like her, worry every year about the spot in my upper right lung that is measured every year, and we anxiously look for any change. So far, all has been well for the last ten years.

Ok, I need to get on with my mind numbing activities today like swimming pool maintenance, septic treatment as well as teach Jen how, hang the game counter over the pool table, yard cleanup and haul it and limbs to the burn pile on our vacant lot, and lastly pack a few things for my hospital stay and organize my pills for nurses. We even arranged a plan with Mike and Cathy on getting the trailer to Louisiana for their Spring fishing excursions on the Sabine River. I’ll write in a few days when I’m able and can think clearly enough thru the fog of pain meds. Although, it might be kind of humorous to write on morphine or Norco, whatever they give me will certainly cause a difference from the low dose pain meds I take routinely. Talk to you on the other side of this repair job. Success is in my future and besides, luck seem to be with me as I won $53 on the lotto last night. Woot Woot!