Heroes

We all have them. Could be your parent, a significant other, someone out of admiration, a heroic act, a lifetime achievement, or maybe someone unknowingly that left a mark cherished by others. No one sets out to be one, but by merely being who they are, they become one. One thing for sure, all heroes are revered for a life lived and a set of principles that make them stand out from others. Documentaries are made about our most beloved heroes, the people that changed history through the action of being themselves and making an impact on a sport, a country, or even the world. Heroes shape our lives and give us pinnacles to climb in some measurable comparison. Goals that we will spend a lifetime trying to achieve.

I’ve written about the three men in my life that were considered my heroes. The men I’ve tried to immolate but also know I haven’t achieved. Maybe we are never supposed too, and maybe there are others trying to immolate our lives without us knowing. Don’t we all want that internally? To be the inspiration for how someone should live their life. Be remembered as a pathway for others to follow. The older we get, the more these values of others become increasingly important to us. Maybe because as we get older, we see fewer diverging pathways to follow, and our path becomes more obvious allowing us to attempt perfection along this narrower path. People talk about the road less travelled, but what we are drawn to is the road more familiar and easier to explain to ourselves. The road less travelled might be better as a young man or woman in search of a career that could last forever. At 62, those less travelled roads are wrought with too many identifiable obstacles that I don’t have the time to hurdle in my chase. Some do, and I’m sure in doing so, and being successful at it, would certainly be a heroic accomplishment making us proud of this person due to age.

When I read about others that left an indelible mark or watch a documentary, I feel inspired, but mostly I feel reflective of what I have done that would make others want to be like me. Understand, outside of my children and grandchildren, I don’t think I would be much of an example or really feel I would want to be. Outside of the three father figures, who else has been an inspiration to me and why?

At the top of my list is my wife, but not for the reasons many would think. She is inspirational, and I consider her heroic due to her heart first attention to people. Many women raise children in the absence of a husband. Some men do the same thing. But it’s not the act of just doing it that I’m inspired by her, it is way more definable for me. She was divorced at a fairly young age with a baby and a six-year-old. More than anything, she wanted to raise them on her own and prove she was capable. Prior to this, she had quit high school to live a life of freedom. Along the way, she still received training in cosmetology, but she wanted more for her girls, more importantly she wanted more for herself. In a time when many women were expected to be in the kitchen and raising children, she was defiant that her life would be far more than that. She wanted more and knew she had more to offer to this world than cutting hair. What she was smart enough to understand was that accomplishment rarely is realized on your own, as they say it takes a village, and she was willing to accept the hand up from those that believed in her. She not only had help along the way, she never lost sight of where it came from. Her parents helped by providing care for the girls. This allowed her to go to nursing school. She had gotten her GED, now she was taking on a care pathway that just wasn’t a way for her to provide for her and the girls, but a way she unknowingly could leave a mark on others through what she does best, caring for others. Never losing sight of her principles, she not only achieved the goal of being a nurse, but she was able to graduate with honors. With dyslexia, this could not have been easy, nor with the pressure of providing a life for two girls, but she did. When I was looking for someone to share a life with, I had made a vow to myself to not be with someone dependent on me. What I observed quickly was that she not only would not be dependent on me, but I also discovered something about myself needing more time to improve myself. Having an open mind toward others was the immediate lesson. Something I still feel I’m working out twenty years later. Her ability to inspire her kids, but still having the space to give of herself to three additional kids. They needed her more than I imagined, but she saw it and acted unselfishly in being that example to my kids. This was hard for her kids at first having to share their world with others. She mapped out in her mind how unity would prevail and although she couldn’t lay that plan out for me, she showed me the way and all I had to do was follow her lead.

I am never inspired by people that have to toot their own horns in an effort to make themselves seen. People that invent changes to their past to make it sound like without them, things would not have survived. What comes with these people is also name dropping. The problem is by the time they are expanding their lie, you’ve already figured out they are full of shit. I have too many of these folks around me. They are a test of patience for sure and an example of what we don’t want to be. If you have to tell me how important you are, it’s because you’re not. It is usually a reflection of low self-esteem. You also have to understand that if they were so important, why are they still living life the way they are? You would think they would have at the very least, written a self-help book on how the rest of us could emulate them. However, if they had lived life with humility and a notion that they could have learned more from listening than by talking, they may have achieved exactly what they are trying to forcefully create.

My Dad and I were laughing about our careers and how we thought of ourselves along the way. For both of us, we felt like we should stay quiet because someone might get the idea that we knew nothing about what we were doing. We had a great work ethic, a passion to learn our job and have people depend on us and never have anyone question what we were doing. We had long careers doing what we loved. Any notoriety we may have received came from hard work but was also unexpected. I remember a time in the government, where they wanted people to provide their accomplishments throughout the year so the manager could write our performance reports. Bonuses and advancement were dependent on our participation. In both our cases and unknown to each other, neither of us participated. Actually, our managers usually shared with us what others would say about themselves and it was remarkable how many people would take credit for work done by others. The people that are anti-heroic were these fact grabbers. They saddened the workplace with their falsehood. I only bring this up because many false heroes drive many people down the wrong path due to ill-placed idealism. Hopefully, most are wise to them and shun them, but as we are finding out in the political world, the negative issues with someone can be overlooked.

When I was in high school, I discovered the lesson of never judging people by their cover. My best friend and I learned this lesson together and I have never lost sight of it. Wherever I go I treat everyone with dignity and respect or try too. Chiefly, I apply this to people with the lowest level jobs such as janitors. In high school, many of us loved Harry Bourn and for those of us that were invited into their home, his wife Ann. They lived in a simple home where Ann ran a small sewing and fabric shop out front and their house was in the back. What we discovered about him was that he became the janitor at the school because he was inspired by teenagers and their youthful look at life. Harry and Ann both were retired officers in the US Navy. They had several kids, all successful and college graduates as well. For most people, they saw an older couple seemingly living a meager lifestyle because that was all they could afford. The reality was that they also owned a house in Denver, and both were paid for. When I was in Washington D.C., going to school, Harry invited me to a ceremony in D.C. where he was a guest speaker and presenter of an award to another naval officer. As Harry was being introduced, his life accomplishments were as long as my arm and yet I had never heard him mention any of them even when Harry knew I had enlisted. He was revered by the people that worked for him in the Navy, yet Harry was a mere janitor to most at home. A lesson for humility and a life humbled by the accomplishments of others and an example in how to serve.

Similarly, John T., a test pilot, astronaut prospect, commander of Edwards AFB testing facility, and retired schoolteacher. Meeting John for the first time, all he ever talked about was his days teaching. When we visited them at his childhood homestead, he wanted to take me to the Air Museum in Dayton OH at Wright-Patterson AFB. Along the way he referred to this student and that student owning businesses we passed, or homes owned. His pride was like a father speaking of his kids’ accomplishments. I soon realized that not only had these kids made a huge impact on John’s life, but I was sure in my heart that they looked to him to be their hero. Not because of his military background, but because of the life lessons he taught his students and how much he was still active in their lives. Sidenote, going through the museum with John, I learned about his military career, the missions he flew, the planes he completed stall testing on, and the service he made to this country. He never boasted, he simple would state he had flown this or that plane and talked about the plane itself. He carefully talked about the impacts of bombing runs and the feelings it created. Always reflective of the long-term mission and the benefit to others. A hero? I say yes, for me and every serviceman, I say thanks. I am inspired.

Heroes come in all shapes and sizes. A daughter for never backing down on a challenge in life, a son for putting family first and employees before his own success. A father for laying a career path out that I was proud to follow in the footsteps of. And so many others that not only charge into buildings as others flee, but all those famous heroes that I have been captivated and learned a little more about not only being a good person but a better man. Yogi Berra for being one of the greatest players of all time. Just look at his stats compared to anyone, but also a man of conviction and passionate about family. Through all the media calling him a clown and never showing him the respect that he deserved because of nothing more than how he looked. He never once got mad about it showed nothing but class his whole career. A hero! John Wayne was bigger than life. He was never considered a great actor, but it didn’t matter because he was one of the most revered actors of all time. His personal life was never compromised and was always on his terms. Rudy, Rudy, Rudy an inspiration for all on never letting his physical deficits interfere with his drive and goal. He inspired a whole generation. Louis L’Amour wrote from a place that touched so many readers. He never wrote using sex or foul language, yet he is one of the most beloved writers of all time. His passion was passed onto his kids who have completed numerous works started. He tried anything he was curious about and used his experiences to captivate all. Not matter critics claimed he was not a good writer; he never compromised his style to please those that had nothing more to offer than an opinion. Countless others through history via military, first responders, care givers, and so many others inspiring people through a life lived. Heroes are everywhere if you set back and observe. Let people know how they have changed your life, how they have guided you our of a dark place, and lifted you on their shoulders to achieve more from yourself.

Who’s your hero? Let me know in the comments.