Oh, To Have Been a Carpenter
Most of my life I have loved working with my hands. The ultimate expression being the working of wood. To make a door, a table, maybe even something having drawers. Theoretically, I get the concept of making anything and everything. I’ve restored many things, but I’m merely renewing, repairing, maybe resurfacing. The main theme though “RE”, I am simply working with what another has put all the creativity in designing and taking it to fruition of an actual object made from an idea. This, as with any other art form, requires skill and imagination first, but secondly the ability to process an idea into reality, this gene I seem to have been barred from getting.
My Dad for years has said he would measure three times and would always cut a half inch long or short. My Uncle Carrel, on the other hand, was able to create seemingly anything. I feel I might be somewhere in the middle. I’m never afraid to try, but somewhere in the middle of my creation, I realize it is lopsided, wavy, or just plain amateurish in appearance. I try and I try, but to no avail, I fail at making a truly perfect product. I lay tile and feel confident I do a decent job. Many observe my work and say wow! I often wonder if they remembered to put their contacts in that morning or if they have updated their prescription. Every once in a while, I get it right, but it is usually when I don’t feel pressured to get whatever it is done in a prescribed amount of time. I make mistake after mistake when the walls of time close in on me. Given the time and a limitless budget for materials, I can turn out something slightly above amateurish. I, at least, can measure three times and cut it exactly on the length needed. Well, that isn’t exactly true, when I try to cut out panels for outlets and switches, it doesn’t matter how many times I measure and draw it out, and then recheck my measurements, When I go to put into position, my hole is too big. I’ve decided that they make standard size plates for the true professional, and they make the large, extra-large, and holy-cow-you-really-fucked-it-up plates to cover my mistakes. At least I can use the screwdriver and put the error plates on, which ultimately make my work look spot-on. Following the addition of my cosmetic additions, I can stand back and cross my arms and say, “Damn, I’m good!”.
Put a door in need of repair, a table, chair, really anything I don’t have to create in front of me, I can do great work. This doesn’t mean I always do, I’m just capable of doing so. My garage/shop/storage building was just built. For some reason that I’m not sure of why, I told the builder I wanted to insulate, sheath the walls and ceilings, paint, etc. I don’t know why I did this. It probably wouldn’t have added that much more to have him do it and God knows it isn’t like I don’t have enough to do already. I guess I need to feel like if I helped complete it, I get to claim in the end I built it. I did design it, I got all the required documents and designs together for approval to proceed, and now I’m doing what is referred to as finish work or trim work. Writing a scope of work, making simple drawings, and addressing all of the required things like getting everyone lined up from start to finish, I feel a master at doing. I’ve been asked if I could help others submitting design plans for approval. I want to be good at everything, no not good, better than everyone else. I worked my butt of in my career to receive that exact recognition, not the only one for sure, but I certainly was capable of seeing the big picture and getting the job done. Why can’t I do this for myself? I get so frustrated that I genuinely just want to throw up hands and yell I’m done and go hire someone else.
Hiring someone else, I have gotten better at allowing that to be done. As I have gotten older, I have had the opportunity to learn and provide myself with some very sage advice. Buddy, there isn’t enough time for you to do it and Jen will be measuring your ability to see her vision to reality. Too much pressure for me, so thank goodness we were able to find people like Brian and Josh to do what I was not capable of. They both have been masters at bringing Jen’s visions to vivid detail and something to behold. I watch though and think all the time, “I can do that”. Get over it Buddy, thinking you can and actually doing the “I can” are something different. Thank goodness I have been blessed with the ability to create the finance for these projects and that very thing is why from time to time I have to jump in and give it the old college try again. Jen is usually very encouraging and is knowing of my need to feed my handy work ego and that every time someone else does the work, I feel a little ashamed of my abilities. This is short lived, mostly due to the fact that I get to enjoy it and that I rationalize in the end that I had a hand in the project, albeit just writing a check.
I’ll keep trying. It has already taken me three weeks to get insulation installed and about one-third of the walls sheathed in the combo garage facility. I have done an amazing job at miscalculating my outlets and switches and feel a little pumped that the electrician left me standard sized plates for everything. He had complete faith that I could do the work flawlessly. Maybe when he comes back for the next project, he wont notice that the plates have all been swapped for larger ones and that I creatively used corner molding and seam tape to cover all my gaps in the interior walls and ceiling. He’ll never see what I did with insulating. It was perfect! Ok, I had to go back and trim many of the cavities due to my error of measuring three times and cutting a half inch long almost every time. Maybe I don’t fall between my dad and uncle, but it might be better said that the apple didn’t fall far from the tree!