My Daily Coffee Break
My daily coffee break is the first thing that happens every morning. I know, you’re saying your day always begins with coffee too, but the difference is that I break for everything to spend it with my dad. I don’t think many of you can say that and I certainly never envisioned that I would be doing it either, but almost two years running, we have been sharing a cup of coffee to kickstart the day and I see no end in sight.
It started mainly as a way to make sure he was able to help Mom get out of bed, uses the bathroom and get her started eating breakfast and to her chair. Mom’s body had other indentations and she was in the hospital the majority of the time. The purpose changed to being with Dad while Mom was in the hospital. Sandra made the daily visits and Dad and I would make the trip into town a few times a week. We began our daily discussions of current events, past work with mutual folks, Mom’s prognosis, and just about anything else that would fill the time. It wasn’t long before Mom turned for the worse and we realized that we needed to make plans for Mom and her end-of-life care. Some tough conversations for sure, but I saw the character I long admired come rising to the surface and through his resilience, my own strength was magnified. I think we played off each other and both of us knew that with each other we’d make it through anything. I don’t mean to leave Sandra out of it, she certainly had a major role in navigating the end of Mom’s life and I feel her best efforts were making Mom more comfortable. This is more about my own journey and experience with Dad and the magic of early morning coffee.
Mom passed in February ’20, it happened so fast that none of us quite prepared ourselves properly. I think Mom was able to let go as easily as she did due to knowing that Dad was in good hands and would be well cared for. Our morning coffee went on a road show to Crockett to plan the funeral. We were able to figure out how we would deal with expenses and we charted a course for Dad to move on. We were able to decide what was important and what was not, this being a huge key step in moving forward. We established the roles everyone played and what was important to each and let the natural course of decisions lead into actions driven between refills.
People were worried about Dad because he had vested almost all of his time into caring, first for Maw and secondly for Mom. His routines were so abruptly changed, but through our brew time, much like bro-time, but soaked in coffee were our thoughts, he has managed to find himself again and live for himself. This morning ritual was developing and becoming more than planning a day, it was playing a pivotal role in learning more about each other. So many things in Dad and I paths were the same. Heck, my charted course of a career was based exactly on what Dad saw as a career path. Our bond was more than father and son, it was also a bond of workmates and friendship. Respect for each other without having to convince the other of our worth. This is something we talk about quite often, the bravado by some to convince others how special they are and how instrumental they are in their world. We find time to laugh often, share thoughts broadly, and solve many of the world’s problems over a cup of our favorite caffeinated beverage. We seldom have nothing to say although we are comfortable enough to sit for periods of time in our own thoughts only to pick up the conversation after twenty minutes just like we never paused. We have found a common theme in life is largely built on our common interests. I learned more about the threads of fatherhood and how weaving those threads is not simple and only understood by having been there and done that. A book will never teach you what you need to know and just as in work, the real understanding of a job or task at hand comes from doing and not studying.
We laugh at mindless acts of stupidity and we are horrified by the wickedness of mankind. We are puzzled by the ignorance of well-educated people and are inspired by the ingenuity of the less fortunate. Through sipping a couple cups of well brewed java, we see the world clearer although not with more comfort. We have trust there is still good even when the bad is coming at you relentlessly on the news. If only we could restart society as easily as refreshing a cup of morning joe.
My morning ritual developed with Dad is without a doubt the best use of a two-hour window I have ever experienced. Much like when I was a kid, when I was with my dad then, the world seemed safer and I was afforded the freedom of being free. Although I mumble my opinions and speak under my breath about many things in life, with my Dad I am able to just breath and be one with someone I still want to be just like, even at the age of sixty and I am able to experience that feeling I took for granted as a kid. Coffee and Dad, my day and world start perfectly every morning, what a gift I have been given.