Would You Do Anything Different?

The other day, I was mindlessly going through Facebook and looking at posts from the shortlist of my closest friends and came across one of those ads that asked, “Would you have done anything different with your life if you could do it all over again?”. One of those lead-in ads for education and no time like the present in following your dreams. Whoever was in the room at the time said they wouldn’t have, but I didn’t acknowledge whether I would or wouldn’t. I know I was, under my breath, thinking that I would, but I didn’t voice it because I couldn’t answer the question of why. I’ve been thinking about it and I believe it really boils down to this, if you change one thing in your life it changes the course of everything else. For instance, if I didn’t choose to go into the Air Force at eighteen, would I have gotten married right away? Would I have gotten married to who I was? Would this mean I would never have had the kids I have? So it isn’t that simple of a question unless you have just hated every aspect of your life.

Setting aside the obvious thing that I would never do anything to change who my kids are, but if I could still have them as they are, what then? Not having any control over my Mom and Dad and the decisions they made, I’ll start at eighteen years of age. Would I have gotten married right away? Why did I get married? Honestly, I can’t even answer that. We had dated off and on for a couple of years, but we had broken up a few times and had our doubts about trust in each other.  Was it a desperation thing? Probably so, and I’m sure there was ego playing with my head. Had I gone to college to study photography or wildlife management, my toss-up back then, would I have gotten married? Probably not, we would have waited a year or two and moved into it slowly. I’m pretty sure it would not have lasted and I would have ended up meeting someone else. Might have met Jen at a younger age and got married back then, but that really gets into Twilight Zone stuff. However, maybe we still would have gotten married, followed different career paths and might have ended up in the same area, got divorced, met the same people and be right where we are. That brings to mind, are we on a pre-destined path? My gut says we are, but then why have the power of decision? Maybe it’s an illusion that we have control and the signs I see in yards that says God is in control are right.

If I were to have changed one thing, it might have been my career path. Don’t get me wrong, for falling into a bucket of crap I came out smelling like roses and have done well and am happy at what I achieved. But I think there is something out there that would have suited my inner self better. Something more environmental, more independent, something that suited my introvert tendency, and fed my self-accomplishment need. Yep, Buddy Wilson, State Game and Fish, the forest manager and riparian restoration consultant extraordinaire. Fly-rod in my backpack, ready at a moment’s notice. Could I have written a guide to sustainment of our rivers and fisheries? Maybe I would have written fictional novels about someone that was my alter-ego and be able to have developed plots and intrigue into my everyday existence. Maybe I should try to do that now, it’s not like I don’t have the time and energy to get it done. Heck, the research would have been amazing and I could have shared, on paper, the journey with my little side-kick Lucy as my faithful companion. Each of us saving the other from certain doom time and again. A combination of Remi and Jazz (my labs) and Lucy the Cockapoo. Would she be a ginger colored Labracooddle? HA, I think I’m gonna have to give this one some more thought and did I just come up with a new breed of dog?

What if I had become an outdoor photographer filming the great outdoors through my vision of the world? Fishing, hunting, hiking, and anything outdoors. Travelling the world on a giant adventure and a quest to capture the perfect photo that would stand the test of time. Teaching my kids the importance and the fragility of mother earth along with respecting the resources we have and not fall into the idiotic notion that its resources are limitless and here for us to plunder and rob for the riches of ourselves without impact. I was recently having a conversation with a friend that is an outdoorsman, land owner and farmer, and a believer in conservation, but has a hard time believing that climate change is real. I get it, I understand the earth has had many cycles of evolution through ice ages and arid dryness and has always come back to normal. But has it really? Nowhere in time, have we had the population density and recklessness of resources that we have today. The cycle might be the same, but the acceleration through it is unprecedented and the recovery capability is untested. Will the continued speed at which we damage this earth be recoverable in time? I don’t know, but I think in some way I would have been involved in the analysis and reporting had I pursued a line of profession more suitable to my dream of the perfect career. Bottom-line, I asked the question, no matter what you believe, don’t you want to take care of the earth better than we have in the past? Have we not learned anything over time? We can’t go back to 1950 and we certainly can’t think it would be a better world all around, it just simply wouldn’t.

Back to the main question though, would I do anything different? Sure, but not to the extremes. I would have been stronger in my convictions. I would have hesitated less and challenged myself more. I would have realized my relationship faults and tried to correct them. I would have listened more and talked less. I would have been closer to my parents and not argued with them as to whether they were wrong or right. They weren’t wrong, they just wanted more for me than I wanted for myself. I would have loved deeper and supported more. I would have been more affectionate and less self-absorbed.  I would have trusted my instincts instead of questioning them. And I would wish to have ended right where I am with the same outcomes and people in my life. Is that an answer like, “I think so, but maybe not?”.